Everyone is entitled to a bad day now and then. But what happens when you’re stockpiling huge quantities of recreational drugs and driving erratically? That’s just asking for it. A police officer who pulled over a Key Largo driver found enormous quantities of ecstasy pills, cocaine, and marijuana. What on earth would one need that many drugs for, you ask? Maybe in preparation for the end of the world, maybe to sell to the grade schoolers who live just down the street, or maybe just to have a little fun. We’ll never know.
Okay, so they also confiscated some bullets. He was perhaps, maybe, probably a drug dealer. Better yet, police also found a little black book with names and numbers–classic! Not only did he get himself caught, but he did so with fairly typical extreme criminal stupidity. Drug crime in the region might take a brief tumble, depending on the number of names in that little black novella.
The 28-year-old man, Phillip Edwards, was arrested with intent to sell the aforementioned drugs, and criminal drug trafficking. In addition, he was charged with possession of a weapon by a convicted felon (that bad boy!), driving with a suspended license, and driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs. All right, you’d think this would fall under Criminal Activity 101: if you have a vehicle full of drugs while you’re carrying a loaded weapon, don’t drink and drive. Maybe he got confused by the standards set forth in Criminal Activity 102: Don’t drink and drive with a suspended license and/or previous felony convictions. It’s all so confusing when you have such a complicated under-the-table job.
Did we mention that Edwards was pulled over in the dead of night? It was 2 AM. A Child could see enough of these mistakes to avoid them. The arresting officer had been responding to a bar fight at Cactus Jack’s Sports Bar and Pub when he pulled Edwards over, who subsequently admitted to the consumption of no fewer than four beers. Criminal Activity 201: Deny, deny, deny.
When the arresting officer looked at Edwards’ record, he found a previous 2015 conviction for grand theft auto. The car he was driving at the time of this arrest had Louisiana plates. The search of the vehicle came back with a number of other choice items not fit for public consumption, among them 42 e-cigarette cartridges filled with marijuana, labeled for medicinal use in California. Maybe Edwards was just on his way to the golden state to shower elderly folk with the medicinal comfort that is weed. Then again, maybe not.